John and Yoko and the Vernal Equinox

IMG_3516Does it come as a surprise to anyone, anywhere that John and Yoko were married on the vernal equinox? Of course it doesn’t! The vernal equinox is the most perfectly balanced day of the year AND the most hopeful one. It’s a day meant for peace and harmony and light. It’s better than the other equinox that happens in September because that one takes away our sunshine. This one brings it ON. And it signifies the beginning of spring- the season of renewal. Flowers, and butterflies, and rosé – oh my!

The Lennon’s were really good at promoting the idea that peace and harmony should reign supreme in your life. But I wonder if they were any better at finding true balance than the rest of us are? I mean, I struggle with it every day and I have a feeling that their personal agendas were a lot fuller than mine. Because you know, I don’t jet between London and New York and L.A. Not as a rule, anyway. And I haven’t even written one hit song, let alone start an entire music revolution. Yet. There’s still time for that though, right? Yeah, right.

But anyway, I digress. What I mean to be talking about is this idea of balance. Today is one of two days this year that there will be 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night everywhere in the world. Everywhere! That’s kind of amazing. And kind of inspiring. When else does the world feel so equitable? Or balanced?

So I want to use that. I want to take this notion of balance and try to apply it to my lopsided life. But it’s already 11:00 am and I haven’t managed to do it yet, so I think I need to hurry up. Here’s a recap of my morning:

Tumble out of bed, stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition… no, wait. Wait! That’s not me. That’s Dolly Parton.

Tumbled out of bed, stumbled to the kitchen, poured myself a cup of very strong coffee…yes! This sounds more like me. Then I opened my laptop and banged out one of the two grant proposals for a school I volunteer at that are due by the end of the week. After that, I ran out to get the mail that I forgot to get last night, piled the tax docs on top of the stack waiting for my attention, paid a few bills and then headed back to the kitchen to try to scrounge together lunch for the kids with the refrigerator dregs (challenging because I didn’t have time to go the store yesterday). Went for a quick run because I’m training (in theory) for a half marathon to raise money for a cause I believe strongly in. Froze my fingers off taking the pictures featured here (you’re welcome) and lamented the fact that it felt more like January than March. Got chased by a fox. Yes, a fox, a very healthy looking fox. Ran back really fast. Really fast. Made it home in one piece, caught my breath (kind of), sewed up a rip in a really ripped up pair of jeans (because apparently, it was one rip too many). Drove my daughter to school in her perfectly ripped jeans. Made breakfast for my son, spent 15 minutes debating whether the Universe is really infinite or not (he thinks not, I think yes). Hopped in the shower, threw on some clothes, unearthed my favorite black heels that have been missing since last week. Bandaged up a pocket knife wound (not sure how it happened because I was in the shower). Got my boy on the bus, drove an hour to work, dropped my bag at my desk, ran to a meeting. Got coffee. Took a deep breath, made a note of my very long to-do list. And that’s where I currently am. I’ve got 35 minutes before my next meeting and I really shouldn’t be doing this right now. But this is what I do to decompress. There are too many words in my head and some of them just need to go.

Oh YEAH, and my husband called to say he might get stuck in Alabama because that’s where he is now and another storm’s a coming. Fab.U. Lous. Also, our snowblower is broken. Yippeeeeeee.

Not all of my days start like this. Just most of them. And it’s ok. I’m not complaining about it. I’m wondering how to accept it. I’m wondering how to take all that I do and feel empowered and accomplished instead of overwhelmed and exhausted.

When life is hectic and you’re focused on getting task after task after task done, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are, who you want to be, and what makes you truly happy. I think the key is finding little moments of quiet in between the chaos to focus on the positive things instead of the negative ones, to remember the “why”, and to discover the best “how”.  And maybe finding joy or peace or balance means something different every day. Maybe today it means appreciating that gorgeous sunrise, or listening to a lot of John Lennon as I pound away at my keyboard. And maybe tomorrow it will mean a few extra seconds spent on a good-bye hug. And maybe the day after that it will mean sleeping in just 5 minutes extra, or crawling into one of my kids’ beds for an extra snuggle before the day explodes. Or maybe, maybe… it’s just taking one day at a time and remembering that all of these things that I do are gifts, not punishments. I’m able to do them and I’m free to do them. That should mean everything.

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